Spoon Theory & SLE blues
It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a Lupus related meltdown, but this is one of those nights.
I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I have too much on my plate, and few options - and I think I’ve borrowed against my spoons for the next six months. I am burnt out.
I really hate writing self-pitying crap like this, but I really just need to get it out right now.
(Also, yes, I shaved my head. Maybe I’ll post an actual photo when I’m not crying my eyes out.)
inspired thinking - my goals for the year
So this maybe a bit tardy, but better late than never. I’ve been riding a wave of contagious good-vibes, and optimism since the beginning of the new calendar year, though it’s taken me a few weeks to feel out what I want to achieve - so really I needed until almost lunar new year in order to figure this stuff out.
I am making a list of all the things I want to accomplish in 2012. An amazing, brilliant and vibrant to-do list:
- Being healthy in mind & body: this is the year I kick Lupus’ ass into remission and restore my vitality, regain energy, and will be reborn/rejuvenated as even more bad-ass than I was before all of this health related drama started.
-Creating my fantastically exciting first art exhibition ever, which is also my MA project (thesis-y thing) and finishing grad school :D
-Constructing and working on my new independent domain blog - more details soon, I am very excited about this
-Getting back to daily yoga practice, and running daily as well
-Decluttering my house, clothes & possessions - I truly believe this will make me happier, saner and help in so many ways
-Making every single day magical, and creating some fantastic new realities/manifestations with Rosa Mystica
-Working with my new burlesque troupe (also exciting news, more details TBA) to create some wonderfully successful, original, quality shows
-Drink more water and tea, less alcohol; keep up my awesome vegan, g/f, low-glycemic diet
-Spend less time online, read more books (I have a big pile to get through at the moment)
-Making more time for the incredible friends in my life, and cutting out the dead-weight
-Traveling more: on my destination wishlist - UK, Ireland & France, Greece, Austria (to visit some old friends), Iceland, NYC, Japan
What are your goals for this year? What do you hope to accomplish?
ballad of the lupie
One of the biggest changes that I have made in 2011 has been to what I eat. This was prompted by finding out this summer that I have Lupus (and probably also fibromyalgia - but that’s a story for a different day, and the jury is still out on my official final diagnosis).
People keep telling my new diet is so restrictive. To be honest I don’t feel restricted, I feel liberated. After 2 years of feeling like utter crap almost every single day, I am starting to seeing improvements. Sure, it’s difficult trying to describe to family, and even friends why I have had to do this, and fielding the question 'WHAT CAN YOU EAT?' hundreds of times but my personal experience and anecdotal evidence is enough to make me a believer in a plant-based diet.
I’ve been lacto-ovo vegetarian for 13 years now (since I was 11 years old), but finally took the plunge and cut out dairy several months ago for health reasons. I have occasionally had egg since this shift (mostly as an ingredient in baking , but soon it will also be entirely gone from my diet. I have also cut out all gluten, and cane sugar.
When I look at recipes and in my pantry, I see hundreds of amazing ingredients that I can use: all fruit and vegetables, herbs and spices, nuts and seeds, legumes, sea vegetables, TVP, soy/tofu, alternative grain flours, rice, quinoa, soy, miso, tamari, agave, olive and healthy other cooking oil - the list goes on and on.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks, moving to a mostly-vegan*, g/f, low-glycemic diet is best thing I’ve ever done. (*I do eat honey and will continue to do so, maybe that makes me a bee-gan?) Sure, what I can eat may not conform to the North American standard diet, but I choose to highlight what I can eat, and when you think of all the foods in existence I still can eat tons of things, and for that I am grateful.
Since I have switched to this diet, four out of five of my key Lupus markers have reversed, my energy levels and my sleep cycle have improved, my inflammation and joint pain has been reduced, the frequency and severity of my migraines has decreased. My rheumatologist didn’t believe my blood work when she saw it, but told me to keep doing whatever I’ve been doing.
I have also suffered from chronic insomnia and an EEG sleep disorder for the past 12 years, and I really believe that changing my diet is the only thing that has helped the quality and length of my sleep to improve.
I’m not saying switching my diet is a ‘miracle cure’, my Lupus isn’t remission yet (my goal) and I still have bad days when I feel really crappy, but overall I have seen drastic improvements. I’m a believer, and if continuing to eat like this is what it takes to make me feel my personal best, I will continue to do it.
I am craving new tattoos something fiece.
Goal: I want to get my Lupus into remission so that I can handle getting tattooed again. I’m going to beat this fucker, and give myself beautiful body art as a reward. Fuck yeah.